I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I am one with the molecules
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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