I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
