Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
