even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
