my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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