My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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