she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
