I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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