those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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