"it" just moved
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
