that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize