Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
