i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
