Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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