Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
