I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Randomize
