Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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