Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
