We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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