Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
