How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
