What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
