you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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