my phone needs a breathalizer
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
