My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
