I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
