Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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