we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Randomize
