I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
