Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
