Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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