So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
