No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
