Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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