I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i now understand why vodka
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
