Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize