mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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