ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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