I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He better not be in your backpack
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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