did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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