I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
