You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
