He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The air taste purple.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
