Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
