Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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