I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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