the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
