we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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