I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
