He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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