I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
