Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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