Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
