Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
