True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
