yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
