too bad you live with your parents still
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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