I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
