I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
