she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
