nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This house was built for laser tag.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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