Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
