I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
