Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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