exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
