Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
