Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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