So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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