things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize