i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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