And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize