Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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