cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
