why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
