i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
