Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
