butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
