worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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