nut hugger
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
