drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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